New title: Imaginary Friend in Training (IFIT)
* Play detective. If your kid can't tell you what's scaring him, look for clues. Jennifer Bosavage, of Huntington, New York, couldn't figure out why her 2-year-old son sometimes panicked when he got dressed -- until she noticed that it happened only when he wore shirts that button. "He couldn't undo buttons yet, so I think he felt trapped in his shirts," she says.
* Be creative. Experiment with ways to help your child feel safer. For toddlers, the more visual the strategy, the better. If he's afraid of being sucked down the bathtub drain, cover it with a washcloth or an upside-down cup, says Dr. Hagar.
* Change your child's perception. If he screams at the sight of bugs, read him books about friendly ones or draw pictures of them. When he stops fearing the idea of bugs, he may feel more brave around real ones, says Stephen W. Garber, PhD, coauthor of Monsters Under the Bed.
* Clear up false beliefs. Sure, you know that a haircut is no big deal. But that's because you understand that hair doesn't bleed and the stylist won't snip your ears. The more your toddler knows, the less he'll worry.
* Answer the "what-ifs." Children this age are mostly worried about what could happen, says Dr. Garber. If your child jumps at the sight of your neighbor's dog, for example, calm her by explaining the dog's behavior. Instead of saying, "The dog won't hurt you," be specific: "The dog sniffs you to get to know you. He barks because that's how dogs talk."
* Don't overreact to nightmares. When Ryan McCaffery, 5, has a bad dream, mom Candace does her best to calm her. "Sometimes I'm just so exhausted that I let her stay with me, though," admits the Atlanta mom. But it's better to give a quick reassurance and tuck your child into her own bed; otherwise, you validate her fears.
* Look for role models. If your child is terrified of the monkey bars at the playground, encourage her to watch an older sibling or another kid around her age play on them without pressuring her to take a turn. Seeing somebody she can relate to confronting her fear may give her a shot of courage.
* Respect her feelings. Teasing your child or forcing her to confront a situation that terrifies her will probably backfire. But don't overindulge the fear either -- otherwise, you may convince her that she's truly in danger, says Dr. Burgess. If your child freaks out every time she hears thunder, for example, resist the urge to scoop her up and hold her tight. Get down on her level and talk about it instead.
teps
1. 1
Comfort your child with encouraging words.
2.
Obtain a general description of the monster. Ask your child why he/she thinks there is a monster in the room. What is the monster doing? What does this monster look like? Is it a boy monster or a girl monster? This will help ease the fear as your child is describing it as a story.
3. 3
Believe what your child tells you. Of course, there's no monster in the room, but its presence is very real to your child.
4. 4
Take your child out of the room with you; into the kitchen is probably best. The kitchen is the most comforting room in your home.(Taking your child into bed with you is not a good solution. This can get to be a habit hard to break.)
5. 5
Prepare a small snack for your child (such as an orange or banana). Instruct your child to enjoy the snack while you go into the bedroom and eliminate the "monster". (See "Warnings".)
6. 6
Take down the "Monster Spray" and explain that your mother/father always kept a bottle or can of "Monster Spray" in the house when you were little and had monsters in your room, too. Let your child know that "Monster Spray" always works. (See "Things you will need"). An alternative might also be to use a vacuum cleaner to "suck up" all the monsters. Then dispose of the bag in the trash so the monsters are gone for good.
7. 7
Go into the "scary place" and squirt "Monster Spray" under the bed, in the floor area of the closet, and around the windows. The room will have a fresh, comforting fragrance. (And monsters hate it!)
8. 8
Bring your child back into the room where you can perform a final inspection together. Check all areas where monsters had been hiding.
9. 9
Encourage your child back into bed and remain with him/her for a few minutes. Maybe tell a quick story or sing the child's favorite song. If necessary, briefly lie down with your child until he/she is secure that all monsters, alligators and other scary things have vanished. (Or until he/she nods off to sleep.)
10. 10
If you are a busy Mom/Dad with other children or are unable to do the story, song, etc. Try putting on your child's favorite cartoon movie (as long as it's not a scary one, and it's age appropriate.) A happy cartoon will give them happy thoughts,(thus erasing the scary ones) helping them to relax and fall asleep. let them watch till they fall asleep.
11. 11
If all else fails then you can simply invest in a bed which doesn't have any space underneath, or cut the legs off the current bed. This essentially nips the problem in the bud.
"If parents are not afraid, the child doesn't have to be afraid,"
Dr. Cohen also advises letting the child talk, sing or even draw a picture about it. Ask the child how he can make the monster friendlier. Maybe he's a scary, green color, and the toddler can make him pink or even give him a silly name. "The child sees that he has some control over the situation," says Dr. Cohen. For Flora, letting her daughters draw a picture helps her to better understand exactly what it is that they're afraid of, especially when they're having difficulty articulating it. Sometimes it turns out to be as simple as a shadow.
Children can turn the most innocuous event into night-time terrors. Be careful what is said around your child. Mum and dad might be quietly discussing a family death, an angry incident at work or something awful on the news. If the child is in earshot, a lot of the conversation will pass over their heads but it only takes for one unfortunate image to filter through and the creepy in the cupboard is back. Keep your conversation innocent until after bedtime, if possible.
Another excellent creator of monsters is shadow. We like to keep a child’s bedroom decoration bright and colorful but this often means curtains are flimsy, easily blown in the breeze or fabulous at letting external light enter and create strange shadows.
Try putting a blackout lining on the rear of the curtains to cut down shadows. If there is a tree close to the house (and yours to prune at will), cut off any branches that might scrape the window or make scary shapes on the wall. Anything that helps reduce the chance of odd shadows will help.
Give them a flashlight that is easily operated by small hands, and show them how turning the flashlight beam on a shadow makes it ‘run away’. Giving the child power over the darkness is a big step to banishing night monsters.
Teaching
a child how to make shadow shapes with their hands is a great trick. Aside from them having control over the shapes that appear, it also shows that shadows are created by objects that we control, and not by the banshee behind the bookcase.
If your child has a big dark space under the bed, buy some clear, lidded boxes, fill them with toys, books, even stored clothes and place them under the bed. With no room under there, monsters can’t get in. Your child will get used to dragging boxes out from under the bed to access the contents and fears can be allayed because they know exactly what’s under there.
Fix child-locks or bolts to the top of doors on cupboards and closets to stop them coming open accidently and scaring the child.
A final tip – Should your house become infested with monsters and you are at your wits end, call in the Monster Mashers! This requires a good friend that the child doesn’t know (or a family member, extremely well disguised) and some mysterious bottles of liquid accompanied by a banishing wand (anything wand-like and mysterious).
"Halloween allows children to safely address their fears-and can even make them seem fun," notes Dr. Garber.
"Every night at bedtime, he'd say to me, 'Mom, what about the monsters?' And I'd ceremoniously usher them out of his room, down the stairs and out the front door."
To avoid reinforcing her son's fears, Smith never admitted to seeing the monsters. "I'd ask him, 'Are they at the door now?' 'Yes.' 'What are they doing now?' 'They're going down the stairs.'" She would finish by telling the monsters in no uncertain terms to get out, closing the door firmly behind them. "I was very strict with these monsters of his," she explains. "The very last time we kicked them out, we said, 'And don't you ever come back here again!' and they didn't."
